sunshine

watched this

this is the chinese new year
family gatherings and stuff
i like my relatives
however
this is just so starnge
family, yes
but we can be pretty different people

i got a baby girl cousin
who is 2/3
from my father side
the first line she knew by heart
was the word "lang lang"
which means "pretty" in cantonese
today they taught her
who is a boy and who is a girl
which i believe every babies go through this stage
her mother told us that
her daughter knew how to be shy and blush
in front of some boys
yea
i guess i saw her blushed
in front of my brother too
i found that very scary
i feel so puzzled
all these modes of learning for kids
seem all so typical and normal
but underneath it all
it is just difficult for me to agree
everything simply feels very wrong
but anyway
who knows what she will grow up to be
hopefully
she will joke about this when she grows up

i have got another baby cousin boy
who is 3/4
from my mother side
he "dismembered" a barbie doll
and threw it here and there
telling his father that it was a girl
haha
that was really funny
and then he asked me
howcome my chest is fatter than my waist
i told him because i am a girl and i have breasts
he look so puzzled
haha

this little gender thing
maybe i am puzzled too

whatever
haha
but the funny thing is
i realise
even with my flat chest
my baby cousin can still discover my breasts
haha

happy chinese new year!

more
i wana try not talking too
"Who is that? Nietzsche? So you stopped talking because of Friedrich Nietzsche? Far out."
and yea
i got an uncle who commited suicide
successfully
i wondered what he would tell me if he is still alive